Off

Will be away from this blog for a time.
Nothing good came from it since it started.

Stupid me

Why? :(
How?

Tired of asking...tired of nagging, tired of faking myself, tired of not express myself, im tired of being alone.
Im in urge to be with someone, a partner, friend, a support, a love, but i cant have, i hate all, i hate most myself.

Thrash life!

Tears of a sorrow man

Finalize the job, kill me....
Trow me away to the ashes, im your poison, im your devil.

Im not a lover, im not a good person, im soulless.

Seeing her pain and sorrow towards me,
Makes me want to not keep living on
Cant stand anymore, seeing and reading...

The pain is huge now, love, lover,
honey, sweetheart. Please...
...trow me away.

I rather see you with someone else happy than
with me in this deep pain, saying you died...
Now im dead too, but i cant allow you to
suffer cause me....

Trow me away, im bad for you,
My love for you is huge, but i
cant allow you suffer anymore cause me

I will forever love you,
I always will be staring you
Smiling and loving, but crying too...

Cause i couldn't make my dream come true
Make you feel happy at my side.

SHIT SHIT!!!

WTF is wrong in my life?!
Im tired of being treated as a child, as a retarded, as the wrong one, as a devil, etc.

Since the start of this year i just heard bad things, comments comming from people i though
would support me, be there when i need, etc.

Father basically negleted me as his son since his gf actually didnt knew that i was blood related to him.
Gf = "we are completely the opossite of each other in everything", today got mad and as i think, sad and trew herself on the poems, that more than one im the central theme and im always the devil, the one who destroyed her soul, etc.

Gosh, this kills me and get me sad and mad.
She seems like can break apart like glass if i say anything.

I just said that will not understand cause you matured too fast, and i not.

So what? Is true, and you know it is, you called me childish more than once.

And i sincerally hope you look to this: Were just spoken about how i like and learned things about a anime, and you cant understand how, since you see as childish thing, trew at my face that event that happened to you and wrote lots of poems and in the last saying to break our bond?!

Stop that, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND this event happened to you, i will never know,  there is many
things i do not understand about you, and will live forever without knowing.
You dont trust me, you dont like to listen me, i have to swallow my pride to not let things get bad.
I have a deep fear of anything i say to you that might break you apart.
I said one thing about a anime and you broke apart today....

DAMN!!

I know what you gonna say now, "so why with me? there is better things, dont need be with me"
I need to, but i dont know anymore if you need me.

Why things must be like this? Say?

MAD

The day started very good, face bleeding due wounds, mom almost get kidnapped and now a motherfucker, that i swear that i will kill if i discover who is, is making up conversations and lies about me to my girlfriend!!

WTF?!!? Betray?! Badmouth?! Stupid, idiot?! Say such things to her, i didnt ever, in all this time i know her, thought that of her, is all the opposite, she is one of the smartest people i know out there and if i need to talk, i talk directly to her, and not to anyone else, other people just ruins relationships. Talk on her back is something i never did to anyone and i will not start now, especially with my girlfriend.

But listning that she believes in all this bullshit cause the person is thrustworth?!? If this is the thrustworth, the untrustfull must say to her that i do sex with every living being i see walking and that i think she is a whore.

Seriously honey, chose wisely your friendships and who you trust!
And if i discover who is, i dont even care what you say or who is. i will make this person pays for what is doing with me, even if you say is your best friend, brother, sister whatever!
This is not something i can forgive!

Titanic

Things are going smooth as it went for Titanic, im sinking and everyone thinks im fine, unsinkable.

Father left home, im just worsening form my skin, everyday more it goes worse, no money, our fridge broke in midnight and all our food rottened,, so which means, we buy/fix the fridge or buy the food, mom barely eats has weeks and today she just pukes non stop, i think her stomach has a tumor...   :'(

Girlfriend is almost absent lately, don know her reasons, what is doing, where went, im just alone going through those problems without no one to even asks me if im ok, being sincere, just her asks me and cares if im ok, i know she has/had her problems, and is going through some/lots of stuff lately and dont want tell me *or maybe burden me, she thinks* what is going on, but i wish her more present talking with me about everything and listening me too.


Isn't for that a couple?

No one sees im bad and that im sinking in these problems.

Work day

Today i started doing a very very easy final exam of psichology: "How will be technology in 7 years based on what we know now"

Gosh =D  Was freaking easy, i could write 4 pages and more!!

Then got in home and started to work on the blog, oobviously after opening windows, cleaning my room, lunching and washing dishes ;)

Logged on messenger and kept talking to someone special  untill now ^^
Poor you ;~;  head aches *pats and kiss forehead*  will get better, im sure ^^

Damn >_<  i got too focused on the blog thing and then suddenly my neighbor asked to use internet quickly cause he got his internet cut, i didnt paid much attention to my love :(

I will just focus on her tomorrow, will be a day off for her >_<