Log

I don't know anymore what goes on her mind,
but seems she is trying in anyway to find some
kind of "clue" that proves her theory, that i dislike her,
that i don't care and don't love her, use anything i did, said or wrote
against me. Well, she can try to look for that, will not ever find,
i do love and treasure her a lot, even being separated from her and having
her angry look towards me, im just thinking about her, hoping she is fine and healthy,
her health is not good :(

I know i have my failures and defects, and i didnt meet her expectations that she had on
me about some things, but.. :(  is this necessary? doubt me...
Is true i said once, "im kind happy that we are separated" but i said it
cause i saw how much suffering i was causing to her and thought she wasnt
suffering anymore without me, but im not sure about this too anymore, besides
when we are emmotionally affected we say things that is not what we mean for true.
Im not ok being away from her, not a bit, im very empty.

Saying that doesnt need me for anything hurted, very much, more than anything
i ever heard from anyone. That thing "i was not ever going to forget even being happy
cause my heart was broken", it wasnt true, i forgot and got healed by staying with her.
Hope this happens again..if...we get..back... :(

I do hope so, i dont want have her as a enemy, have her as a person who hates me,
no >_< i dont even want to think about having her so mad at the point to hate me.
I do hope one day she sees that i trully love her and want her back,
and that she gets healthy again, im making her stressfull and this is
leading to a lot of her actual health problems cause this separation and
tries to find proffs that i dislike her which doesn't exist...

Im not healthy too, i mean..im never ok but i just get worse and worse everyday.
But she must come first in this cause im a hopeless situation when is about health ^^
I spent my last cell phone credit yesterday talking to her, with my internet cut all,
i know things are not a bit ok for my side cause that, i know she is mad, even
saying doesn't care, she does, she still cares to check my blog entries, even so
i know things are bad cause im off for a indetermined time.

Things didnt went as i planned, just wanted to cheer up a bit her...
I know im the last person to say that, but im not sure if there is someone helping her :(
Things went bad..she got angry :(

I want the things fixed between us, like the way they were when we started to date :(
My honey... i miss you sincerely