Morning

My morning is not being good.
I already "woke" with my mother yelling at me for no reason at 9am.
"Wake up your lazy, you do nothing of your life"

I put woke between quotes because I couldn't sleep, too hot and too wounded,
not a good combination, it made me my skin go to shit, even more than yesterday.

My leg still hurt very much from my fall of the stairs. It is not dark or anything else
but the wound is a bit deep.

Today

I'm not paying attention to anything anymore.
My head is having too many thoughts.

It made me fall from stairs... twice.
I hit my right leg pretty bad, it is bleeding still.

I messaged her some times today, I really fucked up everything,
I had done a huge scar on her.

If there was someway to repair those issues i gave...
I could give my life for.

Some things never change

Quite a while I don't type anything here, huh?
I guess is no issue anymore, no one reads it anymore.

This blog always had been a place to type my sorrow, my anguish, my feelings, I guess it will keep like this forever, once again I'm here to say that I'm not ok.

I feel very empty, sad, I dont even feel like to eat, i just do to avoid people asking me why I'm not.
I screwed up, or not, I dont know.
I'm not so sure of what I did or did not.

But some things are certain:
I'm so lovesick by that woman that I can't stop thinking on her.
I'm annoying.
I'm hopeless.

Welcome back

Welcome back to my blog =)

I will start to post again here my thoughts and what i did on my day ^^

Off

Will be away from this blog for a time.
Nothing good came from it since it started.

Stupid me

Why? :(
How?

Tired of asking...tired of nagging, tired of faking myself, tired of not express myself, im tired of being alone.
Im in urge to be with someone, a partner, friend, a support, a love, but i cant have, i hate all, i hate most myself.

Thrash life!

Tears of a sorrow man

Finalize the job, kill me....
Trow me away to the ashes, im your poison, im your devil.

Im not a lover, im not a good person, im soulless.

Seeing her pain and sorrow towards me,
Makes me want to not keep living on
Cant stand anymore, seeing and reading...

The pain is huge now, love, lover,
honey, sweetheart. Please...
...trow me away.

I rather see you with someone else happy than
with me in this deep pain, saying you died...
Now im dead too, but i cant allow you to
suffer cause me....

Trow me away, im bad for you,
My love for you is huge, but i
cant allow you suffer anymore cause me

I will forever love you,
I always will be staring you
Smiling and loving, but crying too...

Cause i couldn't make my dream come true
Make you feel happy at my side.

SHIT SHIT!!!

WTF is wrong in my life?!
Im tired of being treated as a child, as a retarded, as the wrong one, as a devil, etc.

Since the start of this year i just heard bad things, comments comming from people i though
would support me, be there when i need, etc.

Father basically negleted me as his son since his gf actually didnt knew that i was blood related to him.
Gf = "we are completely the opossite of each other in everything", today got mad and as i think, sad and trew herself on the poems, that more than one im the central theme and im always the devil, the one who destroyed her soul, etc.

Gosh, this kills me and get me sad and mad.
She seems like can break apart like glass if i say anything.

I just said that will not understand cause you matured too fast, and i not.

So what? Is true, and you know it is, you called me childish more than once.

And i sincerally hope you look to this: Were just spoken about how i like and learned things about a anime, and you cant understand how, since you see as childish thing, trew at my face that event that happened to you and wrote lots of poems and in the last saying to break our bond?!

Stop that, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND this event happened to you, i will never know,  there is many
things i do not understand about you, and will live forever without knowing.
You dont trust me, you dont like to listen me, i have to swallow my pride to not let things get bad.
I have a deep fear of anything i say to you that might break you apart.
I said one thing about a anime and you broke apart today....

DAMN!!

I know what you gonna say now, "so why with me? there is better things, dont need be with me"
I need to, but i dont know anymore if you need me.

Why things must be like this? Say?